Know your enema

My faithful blogging friends are filling me with guilt. They are blogging again, and I am not. I just haven’t thought of much to write about. I guess it’s an election year, so there’s that to go over. It’s also a cold winter. But I love the cold. I can’t really bitch about it. I could blog about whiskey, but I’m sorta going easy on the sauce lately. I could blog about the degrading quality of internet porn, but that might be just me. Fact is, there is an excuse for every writing topic in existence.


I’m just too confused to write. I’ve been spending mental energy on topics widely ranging from Stephen Hawking’s entropy equation to some weird-ass principles on mentalism. The Hawking stuff is super cool, but I think mentalism will be more fun as soon as I learn to give somebody diarrhea from across the room.

I don’t actually have a list of people I wish to give diarrhea. It’s more like studying karate. I just want to know how to do it in case the need arises. For example, it would have been nice to be able to give Representative Landwehr diarrhea at the precise moment she was trying to intimidate the Director of the Kansas Health Policy Authority from talking to us disability advocates. And now it’s too late. One must be prepared. One must know the enemy and “realize the conditions for victory.”

See, Tessa bought me a copy of Sun-Tzu’s The Art of War for Christmas. So, now I’m learning things. “Being unconquerable lies with yourself; being conquerable lies with the enemy.” Once I can combine Sun-Tzu’s principles with the power of mentalism, I will be unconquerable. Tessa has created a monster. I promise, though, I will never use my powers against her.